The handsome chimpanzee that gets stuck in the grass

A new weird dream in the vein of the human pigs! I am standing in front of the house I rent in (of the white with torquoise trim variety), talking to a handsome man. I am pregnant and also much taller than I am in real life. Suddenly the handsome man turns into a chimpanzee, wearing a blue and yellow sports jersey and he falls backwards into some overgrown grass and tropical plants. He is really upset about this but he can't get up. He reaches out his arms to me, asking for help but I refuse. The reason I refuse is that I am disgusted by him. He looks sort of evil too.

Is this my intuition giving me some sort of warning about handsome men? Or is it simply the bike incident yesterday digested by my subconscious, my brain taking a shit, as a friend once described dreaming?

These dreams are a-typical. I often have dreams about animals that I want to help or should help, but cannot for some reason. The human pig is the only other dream I've had about animals that I can help but refuse to because I am disgusted by them. Hmmmmm...

An eerie place to live

A kid falls off of his bike in the suburbs.

"I am out of control! I am out of control!" he screams as he speeds his BMX down the hill.

I don't think he is serious so I don't make any attempt to stop him. He goes crashing into the pavement. He looks up at me, crying, with a blood soaked mouth, so I go over and hug him. His tears fall on my pant leg. It is a real, pitiful moment in the suburbs. For a moment I think it's blood on my leg and I reconsider the hug. But no, it's just tears. I tell his small companion to get their mom. Blood keeps coming out of the injured kid's mouth. I think his braces have cut into his gums or he's lost a tooth or something. That blood is so bright!

'How serious is this?' I wonder. 'Should I be doing something else?' I feel like I can taste what he tastes. Blood and metal. But those things taste almost exactly the same, so does he even know he's bleeding? He doesn't act like he does. Makes no attempt to wipe any of it away, just lets it all gush out, tears and blood and wails and slobber. Just like kids do. They are so good at being hurt. So unapologetic about their pain. The mother comes out.

"Where is your helmet?" she says before scooping him up and taking him into one of the homes with the brown vinyl siding . She appears embarrassed and doesn't thank me.
I think maybe this is because we are in the suburbs. So you are supposed to be taking care of your own kids, that's why you're here. To look after yourself. To get what you deserve. People here don't seem to help each other out much.

Things that I have discovered are NOT considered weird in the suburbs are as follows:

1. Uncontrolled anger when your neighbor parks her car in the space in front of your house that is normally reserved for your own car.
2. Sprinkler system induced orgasm.
3. Running people over you with your truck and then acting like it is their fault.
4. Glaring
5. Starting a fight with someone over something that hasn't happened yet, but might happen. Like, getting at angry at the owner of that small dog because it looks like he might shit in the empty lot beside your home...

Your home, your home, your styrofoam home. It all begins with these thin, flimsy houses. Available in warm brown, slate grey or white with torquoise trim. It's an eerie place to live.

the beautiful, waning BC light and some other things

On the first day of the Olympics I dreamt that Gordon Campbell was trying to sell all of the light in BC to America. He said "celebrate the beautiful, waning BC light" and then he erected huge mirrors on the landscape that reflected all of the light south. In the dream I went for a walk to see the mirrors and a Grizzly bear began chasing me, but slowly. That part was the truly sad part of the dream. Grizzly bears have always been chasing me in my dreams, ever since I was a kid. Since then the only solution has been to just keep running along the trail, trying to get away from them in a sheer panic until I woke up. This time all I had to do was walk up to another tourist and say "Can you help me get rid of this bear". And it was no problem getting rid of the bear, because he was lazy and uninterested. We just told him to go away and he kind of walked away like a teenager. Just acting out the part for us. It was like he'd been paid. The conclusion I am forced to acknowledge is this: The wilderness is dead, even in dreams.

Dream number 2 was on Valentine's Day. Imagine a small, happy red elephant floating upon a white background. He smiles and pulls his intestines out of his belly button, but thankfully his intestines are only spaghetti. Some bubbly pink hearts float up and pop like bubbles and the dream is done. I have come to no conclusions for this dream - it is just plain ridiculous.

I have some things in a show! It is at the Slide Room Gallery (VISA basement on Quadra). The show is called "Fantasy Island" My art is called "You are like Prey Now". Try it on! That's the point.

Jeff Bridges and the Human Pig

The other day my partner called me a "human pig". Before you scream "abuse!" - He was not being trying to be mean, just funny. I'll explain.

We went to the Wigwam, which is this restaurant in Ladysmith that sells Chinese buffet and Vietnamese Pho. One day I will take a picture of the bathroom for you, so you can enjoy the strange visual feast that it is. It is tiled floor to ceiling with white tiles that have blue cornflowers on them. FLOOR TO CEILING. There is no inch of this bathroom left untiled. Presumably so you can just hose it down and the end of the day but it is evident that this bathroom has never been hosed down. The dust vent has so much grey, fuzzy gunge on it - it looks like a Chinchilla was sucked up there to its demise about 20 years ago. You get to look at this vent while you pee.

Anyway, the place-mats at this restaurant have the Chinese Zodiac signs on them. We discovered that my Chinese Zodiac sign is the pig and his is the rabbit. I made some joke about rabbits being horny and then he called me a human pig.

That night I dreamed there were many "human pigs" running around the earth. These creatures were horrible, not in the sense that they were mean or scary - but in the sense that they seemed totally, unbearably depressed. They walked around in herds with their heads down, looking scared and miserable and it was always raining on them. What's worse is that an evil circus director was constantly trying to capture them for his circus. I couldn't help them and I didn't want to because they were disgusting and miserable. Then there was this one human pig with the face of Jeff Bridges and for some reason he was stuck permanently in the "half moon" pose we do at hot yoga (see picture). This poor human pig was the only one that was able make me feel sorry for him. The circus director captured him moments before I woke up - but his face, which was the sad, sad face of Jeff Bridges - I remembered well. I could not erase it from my memory. So I drew a picture of him. The conte is a little heavy, and the human pig looks more like me than Jeff Bridges, but it's closer than I've gotten before to replicating a dream image, so it'll do. I hope there will be more, but there may not be.